Posted by admin on November 8, 2009
In ground breaking news – some hosting companies are now claiming that their website hosting accounts are now totally secure from hackers.
A CEO from one hosting company said..
Since we’ve obtained copies of the new hosting guide called “Securing Hosting Company Servers For Manikins “ (dummies is trademarked) we are now confident that our staff are aware of every form of attack and have put in place the suggested measures to counter them. It’s nice to know that our clients webhosting accounts are safe and secure…
So yes, we are in good hands!
It’s Great to see such dedication where these companies have realized that cyber attacks on their clients websites is a major concern and have taken action to ensure the safety of their clients businesess.
A Sneak Peek at this document.
We were able to obtain a draft copy of some of the sections as this is not yet released to the general public.
Section – Helping to indicate when there is a problem.
1. Install a warning system in the form of audible and visual alarms. These will activate if any server is detected as going offline. Possibly due to someone tripping over the power cord or dropping a wrench ( a spanner in the works) in some electrical sensitive part of the subsystem.
1 a). Ensure to train all on site Technician and Engineers that the newly installed Alarm system is not a new way of informing staff that it is time for a Coffee Break!
Section – Handling customers when Clients Claim to be Hacked.
1.If a customer reports that something has happened on their website that they have not done.
Tell all clients -
“Impossible – we’ve got the book. You must have let your PC get hacked and someone has got all your passwords and made the changes. So It’s your Fault – it says so in the book! Don’t you know this book is never wrong!!!! Get a Virus checker and stop visiting Porn Sites.
Section – Correct use of Online Support Rooms
Since you are using this guide this will only relate to hosting companies that have not yet implemented all of the advice in this guide.
Only have support staff in the support room when there are major issues some users will be aware off. All other times have no one at all in the support room. This will tell your customers who do come in that there must not be any problems as no one is here to help them.
Section – Securing the Data Center!
1. When all staff leave at 5pm, make sure that the last person leaving locks the door and puts the cat out..
2. Stick a hair or some other thin piece of material across the door and the door frame. This will help detect if anyone has broken into the data center. See attached diagram! [ Editors note: There was no diagram included but I'm guessing someone watches too many Thriller/Spy movies ]
Umm where is the security stuff?
It’s apparent that the “leaked” sections are nothing really new and have nothing to do with improving security.
It is our duty as reporters to let the public ( You ) know about this book. So as soon as we get our hands on a copy, we’ll have it available for download. Well we will try to!
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Categories: Internet, Social, Software, Webhosting |
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Posted by admin on October 23, 2009
In a shock announcement ( so shocking I don’t know why I’ve even dreaming this up ) Telstra have decided to be like every other single ISP in Australia and stop metering their customers uploads.
Now you get what you think you’re getting.
So now when you get a 25Gig or whatever plan, it’s now going to be the actual download allowed. In the past depending upon what you were doing it’s quite easy to loose between 5-8 Gig in uploads.
Which has always been interesting as none of the other ISP’s that run on Telstras Backbone meter uploads. Plus everyone else besides Telstra seem to have better prices anyway.
They’ve also decided to let all the other operators use their exchanges. To date Telstra still has a monopoly on a number of exchanges in regards to ADSL2 with only ADSL being available in most areas.
This would be really nice…
If only it were True!
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Categories: ISP, Internet |
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Posted by admin on October 22, 2009
Marty MacGraw – renowned Bull Whisperer – was severly injured after attempting to pacify a somewhat nervous bull at a local Ranch.
Observers saw Mr MacGraw whisper into Butch the Bull’s ear with a smirk on his face. The bull suddenly reared and twisted knocking Mr MacGraw to the ground and trampling him severely in a very tender spot.
From his hospital bed, Mr MacGraw told us…
It was probably a bad mistake, but I was telling Butch..”See those guys over there. They may seem that they are going to casterate you….” and then I woke up in hospital.
Mr MacGraw required surgery to remove his testicles which were damaged beyond repair during the trampling.
He also recalled…
Just as he knocked me to the ground Butch looked at me in a way that seemed to say “Yeah! Well you see how it feels…”
Actually the “persons” mentioned to Butch by Mr MacGraw were just there to take a look at his infected nose ring.
Mr MacGraw also commented.
I won’t be cracking any jokes with bulls from now on. I never knew they were so sensitive about these things.
Either that or Bulls just don’t have a sense of humour.
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Posted by admin on October 22, 2009
Microsoft have changed tactics on how they are promoting their latest blemish upon the PC Market.This time around they are relying on people gathering together and getting all excited about windows 7, making it some big social event.
It’s time for a party.
Microsoft has gone as far as providing a Video on how a house party should be conducted. So instead of their usual Over the top media hype, they are relying on beer drinking to help sell it.
We attended a house party and asked a few of the guests what they thought.
Brian Delinger said…
I’m only here for the grog. My only fear is that if I do drink too much, apart from the hangover, I might wake up with a copy of the stupid thing next to me.
Jason Bertram told us…
Hi, I’m guessing you want to know why we are in this room throwing darts at a likeness of Bill Gates… Well we are just here for the Grog. This is just a warm-up party for when that Real Operating System Ubuntu 9.10 is released at the end of the month. It’s Free and Bill and his buddies have stolen a few of it’s features and put them in Windows 7. It’ll help people transition over to Ubuntu one day…
Oh Good shot Brian. right in the Eye!!!!
Well it seems the party idea is a great hit – for some.
It Should Work.
So Windows 7. It’s just a patch for Vista. It’s got Touch Technology built in, trying to catch up to Apple. Has some fancy windows jiggling stuff that’s been available in other OS for sometime. But most important of all, they have made statements like “This should work”.
When Dorian Hammersmith heard the above he commented…
Time will tell on that one. It’ll be interesting to see if the security/patch updates start occurring once a day. Wheres one of those parties being held, I’m getting a bit thirsty.
It costs more in Australia than the US.
Good marketing Strategy. Remembering that Kubuntu 9.10 is being released at the end of the month and it’s FREE. {that is very very true} So the poor Aussies get disadvantaged again.
It’s very likely that anyone being invited to one of these “House Parties” will be asking- “Where is the beer” and have very little interest in any Windows 7 stuff.
The real story behind all this might be who’s going to hold the record for atteing the most Windows 7 Parties and not come home with a copy.
References: Sydney Morning Herald
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Categories: A Bad reason for a Party, Social, Software |
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Posted by admin on October 22, 2009
Microsoft have now released their latest version of Windows. The long awaited Windows 7.
We are unsure of what happened to Windows 1 to 6 but it does give users some hope that this might work after 6 goes at it.
Latest Feature.
One important item of news is that the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death” will no longer be seen by any Windows 7 users.
Our sources have told us it has been changed to Brown. The reasons behind this are two fold.
1. It quickly allows the person on the help desk identify the version of Windows the caller is using and
2. Market research showed that the majority of callers to the helpdesk frequently said, “this is giving me the shits….”
It’s wonderful what market research and the imaginative folk at Ms can come up with.
On the Street
Our most common response to this news was best put by Brian McNarthy…
Well it’s a new era that we can now say “Oh I’ve got the Brown Screen of [ commented out]“
Umm, yeah, well let’s hope we can report that this version actually works….But remember , this is NotTheRealNews…
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Categories: Social |
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Posted by admin on October 22, 2009
Finally an “un named” circus has come clean admitting that their entourage of Russian Circus Mice have escaped.
Local residents now have an explanation as to why the cheese on their mouse traps has been going missing without the traps being set off.
But fears are spreading that these russian mice will train other mice to be able to do the same.
It was suggested to help stem the spread of the Russian mice that residents should leave out cheese soaked in Vodka as this tended to hinder the ability of the mouse to perform this daring feat.
Reliable sources offered the following words of caution.
The sight of a half drunk, red eyed mouse being caught mid summersault in a mousetrap might cause distress. Plus it’ll probably piss itself as well.
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Categories: Cheese |
Tags: Cheese, Circus, Mice, Vodka | No Comments »
Posted by admin on October 22, 2009
The league of Animated Vegetables has been questioned as to it’s constant participation on TV commercials begging people to “Eat Them”.
This goes against most “animated” objects desire to live. We weren’t able to speak to anyone representing the league, but once again this behavior demonstrates the degradation and the going against “normal instincts” due the promise of Money and Fame.
It also gives rise to the question of how anyone can “Eat” anything that’s been singing and dancing on our TV Screens begging to be consumed. It leads to giving one the suspicion that the item in question, can’t be that good. Or that it’s playing on the sense of the consumers willingness to think they are cooking/eating some poor relative of an animated vegetable.
From the Street.
We raised this issue on the street and managed to get the following comments.
Mrs Billington who was waiting for her bus commented…
You don’t see too many Cows or Sheep begging to be eaten…Which goes to show – that vegetables really are what they are. Stupid! And some of the people who eat them…Well I’ll leave that to your own judgment.
Mr Bruce Smith who was nearby…
I’m off to have a Steak. It didn’t ask me to eat it. I just want to.
We did attempt to seek the opinion of the League of Real Vegetables but apparently they all had a minor mishap at a party by staying too long in the hot tub.
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Categories: Animated Objects, Vegetables |
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Posted by admin on October 21, 2009
The number of Kangaroos that are killed while crossing the Australian Roadways has sparked major concerns in the Kangaroo community.
Zebra Crossings Work!
The prominent use of Zebra Crossings has cleary shown these to be effective. There have never been any reports of Zebras falling victim to injury or death caused by Road Traffic.
So the introduction of Kangaroo crossings would help safeguard our national icon crossing todays busy roads.But this is not all that is needed.
A Spokeperson speaking on behalf of the Kangaroo Society – “Skippy” said that the introduction of an education scheme to the Kangaroo Community to assist them in learning “Not To Sit and Stare at bright Lights” especially mid way while crossing any roadway at night time.
Other Fauna groups have caught onto this push for safer crossings which does affect a wide range of other communities who also fall victim to to an overdose of the dreaded death by “Tyre Tread”.
There is sure to be more groups speaking up on this matter.
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Categories: Animal Rights, Road Safety, Social |
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