Well it seems that a few, of some very promising, Pakastani Cricket players were convinced that it was, and so they Fixed It! That’s probably how it was explained to them by their manager!

So they did and got paid for it. Unfortunately, if you are not a qualified Fixer of things with many years of experience and also know what you are doing ( like some Doctors…) , it’s a bad thing!

The really sad part is that the players involved were very good ( and that’s meant sincerley) which is a shame for them personally and also the sport!

More must be done by those in charge of the Cricketing World to convince those in a position to  Fix things, that it aint broke, and just play the game and earn your long term fame etc with your sporting  skills.

There, I’ve been nice!

She’s in Australia one minute and then – allegedly to alleviate the Rumours shes driven only by money – dashes back home to the States, in a plane. Unfortunately I can’t say she dashed home in a Kar… Doesn’t quite work!

But surely it’s all about Love! Umm yeah, the kind that’s green and we aint speaking of Kermit the Frog here, but Miss Piggy might be more relevent!

It was reported that she was going to attend “Ladys Day” at the Melbourne racing Carnival. Which has lots of Cameras, but a whole lot more interesing, good looking, intelligent woman!

Maybe that was the reason? She wouldn’t be the star, being outshone by horses and real people and probably no Single , What are you doing for the next 72 days, wanna get married, NBA Stars! They heard she was coming and scattered!

I think we’ve used up enough words here on this subject… next!

He’s already been shafted once,  so we are a little unsure if Kevin would want to give up his current position to throw himself back in front of the Political Bus ( so to speak )!

Let’s see… Travelling around the World meeting up with those that probably have more clout than any “leader” and networking with folk that will more than likely put him in good steed in securing his Future endeavours.

Not to mention, the First Class flying and hob nobbing with the Rich and Famous and is there a Book in the Wings?

There are a lot of perks to be had… On the other hand, if he was to take back the Job of Prime Ministar ( I can’t help myself ) what would he achieve… More BackStabbing…A life of Revenge against those that conspired, successfully, to toss him off his perch? And then all that lovely Media Attention that can only get exciting when someone of his ilk is out the front of a Party that’s in Limbo. Is there a TV series in this, like Underbelly?

Poor Kevin, whatever shall he do?

We are guessing he’ll just continue to be his ole Smug Self and leave Julia holding the Baby until those that determine the Baby Holder get to work and do their thing.

But remember the poor ole Australian Citizens! You can have your bitching and in fighting but you are meant to be a Government for the people. Not a writers dream to make some new TV show that’ll probably be rather dreary but watched by all who have nothing better to do.

That’s not you of course as you are here, reading this… Now don’t go looking on the TV websites for which Time – Yes Julia, or “Kevin Caved in to be shot down again”, or the Aussie version of  “Yes, Ministar”  or “No Kevin, Julia gets the Gig -Oh hang on – Whoops we Stuffed up”  are showing.

I could go on, but other more trivial tasks need our attention.

A CEO from one hosting company said..

Since we’ve obtained copies of the new hosting guide called “Securing Hosting Company Servers For Manikins “ (dummies is trademarked) we are now confident that our staff are aware of every form of attack and have put in place the suggested measures to counter them. It’s nice to know that our clients webhosting accounts are safe and secure…

So yes, we are in good hands!

It’s Great to see such dedication where these companies have realized that cyber attacks on their clients websites is a major concern and have taken action to ensure the safety of their clients businesess.

A Sneak Peek at this document.

We were able to obtain a draft copy of some of the sections as this is not yet released to the general public.

Section – Helping to indicate when there is a problem.

1. Install a warning system in the form of audible and visual alarms. These will activate if any server is detected as going offline. Possibly due to someone tripping over the power cord or dropping a wrench ( a spanner in the works) in some electrical sensitive part of the subsystem.

1 a). Ensure to train all on site Technician and Engineers that the newly installed Alarm system is not a new way of informing staff that it is time for a Coffee Break!

Section – Handling customers when Clients Claim to be Hacked.

1.If a customer reports that something has happened on their website that they have not done.

Tell all clients -

“Impossible – we’ve got the book. You must have let your PC get hacked and someone has got all your passwords and made the changes. So It’s your Fault – it says so in the book! Don’t you know this book is never wrong!!!! Get a Virus checker and stop visiting Porn Sites.

Section – Correct use of Online Support Rooms

Since you are using this guide this will only relate to hosting companies that have not yet implemented all of the advice in this guide.

Only have support staff in the support room when there are major issues some users will be aware off. All other times have no one at all in the support room. This will tell your customers who do come in that there must not be any problems as no one is here to help them.

Section – Securing the Data Center!

1. When all staff leave at 5pm, make sure that the last person leaving locks the door and puts the cat out..

2. Stick a hair or some other thin piece of material across the door and the door frame. This will help detect if anyone has broken into the data center. See attached diagram! [ Editors note: There was no diagram included but I'm guessing someone watches too many Thriller/Spy movies ]

Umm where is the security stuff?

It’s apparent that the “leaked” sections are nothing really new and have nothing to do with improving security.

It is our duty as reporters to let the public ( You ) know about this book. So as soon as we get our hands on a copy, we’ll have it available for download. Well we will try to!

Now you get what you think you’re getting.

So now when you get a 25Gig or whatever plan, it’s now going to be the actual download allowed. In the past depending upon what you were doing it’s quite easy to loose between 5-8 Gig in uploads.

Which has always been interesting as none of the other ISP’s that run on Telstras Backbone meter uploads. Plus everyone else besides Telstra seem to have better prices anyway.

They’ve also decided to let all the other operators use their exchanges. To date Telstra still has a monopoly on a number of exchanges in regards to ADSL2 with only ADSL being available in most areas.

This would be really nice…

If only it were True!

Observers saw Mr MacGraw whisper into Butch the Bull’s ear with a smirk on his face. The bull suddenly reared and twisted knocking Mr MacGraw to the ground and trampling him severely in a very tender spot.

From his hospital bed, Mr MacGraw told us…

It was probably a bad mistake, but I was telling Butch..”See those guys over there. They may seem that they are going to casterate you….” and then I woke up in hospital.

Mr MacGraw required surgery to remove his testicles which were damaged beyond repair during the trampling.

He also recalled…

Just as he knocked me to the ground Butch looked at me in a way that seemed to say “Yeah! Well you see how it feels…”

Actually the “persons” mentioned to Butch by Mr MacGraw were just there to take a look at his infected nose ring.

Mr MacGraw also commented.

I won’t be cracking any jokes with bulls from now on. I never knew they were so sensitive about these things.

Either that or Bulls just don’t have a sense of humour.

It’s time for a party.

Microsoft has gone as far as providing a Video on how a house party should be conducted. So instead of their usual Over the top media hype, they are relying on beer drinking to help sell it.

We attended a house party and asked a few of the guests what they thought.

Brian Delinger said…

I’m only here for the grog. My only fear is that if I do drink too much, apart from the hangover, I might wake up with a copy of the stupid thing next to me.

Jason Bertram told us…

Hi, I’m guessing you want to know why we are in this room throwing darts at a likeness of Bill Gates… Well we are just here for the Grog. This is just a warm-up party for when that Real Operating System Ubuntu 9.10 is released at the end of the month. It’s Free and Bill and his buddies have stolen a few of it’s features and put them in Windows 7. It’ll help people transition over to Ubuntu one day…

Oh Good shot Brian. right in the Eye!!!!

Well it seems the party idea is a great hit – for some.

It Should Work.

So Windows 7. It’s just a patch for Vista. It’s got Touch Technology built in, trying to catch up to Apple. Has some fancy windows jiggling stuff that’s been available in other OS for sometime. But most important of all, they have made statements like “This should work”.

When Dorian Hammersmith heard the above he commented…

Time will tell on that one. It’ll be interesting to see if the security/patch updates start occurring once a day. Wheres one of those parties being held, I’m getting a bit thirsty.

It costs more in Australia than the US.

Good marketing Strategy. Remembering that Kubuntu 9.10 is being released at the end of the month and it’s FREE. {that is very very true} So the poor Aussies get disadvantaged again.

It’s very likely that anyone being invited to one of these “House Parties” will be asking- “Where is the beer” and have very little interest in any Windows 7 stuff.

The real story behind all this might be who’s going to hold the record for atteing the most Windows 7 Parties and not come home with a copy.

References: Sydney Morning Herald

Latest Feature.

One important item of news is that the dreaded “Blue Screen of Death” will no longer be seen by any Windows 7 users.

Our sources have told us it has been changed to Brown. The reasons behind this are two fold.

1. It quickly allows the person on the help desk identify the version of Windows the caller is using and

2. Market research showed that the majority of callers to the helpdesk frequently said, “this is giving me the shits….”

It’s wonderful what market research and the imaginative folk at Ms can come up with.

On the Street

Our most common response to this news was best put by Brian McNarthy…

Well it’s a new era that we can now say  “Oh I’ve got the Brown Screen of [ commented out]“

Umm, yeah, well let’s hope we can report that this version actually works….But remember , this is NotTheRealNews…

Local residents now have an explanation as to why the cheese on their mouse traps has been going missing without the traps being set off, due the acrobatic abilities of these mice..

But fears are spreading that these Russian mice will train other mice to do the same.

It was suggested to help stem the spread of the Russian mice that residents should leave out cheese soaked in Vodka as this tended to hinder the ability of the mouse to perform this daring feat.

Reliable sources offered the following words of caution.

The sight of a half drunk, red eyed mouse being caught mid somersault in a mousetrap might cause distress. Plus it’ll probably piss itself as well.

This goes against most “animated” objects desire to live. We weren’t able to speak to anyone representing the league, but once again this behavior demonstrates the degradation and the going against “normal instincts” due the promise of Money and Fame.

It also gives rise to the question of how anyone can “Eat” anything that’s been singing and dancing on our TV Screens begging to be consumed. It leads to giving one the suspicion that the item in question, can’t be that good. Or that it’s playing on the sense of the consumers willingness to think they are cooking/eating some poor relative of an animated vegetable.

From the Street.

We raised this issue on the street and managed to get the following comments.

Mrs Billington who was waiting for her bus commented…

You don’t see too many Cows or Sheep begging to be eaten…Which goes to show – that vegetables really are what they are. Stupid! And some of the people who eat them…Well I’ll leave that to your own judgment.

Mr Bruce Smith who was nearby…

I’m off to have a Steak. It didn’t ask me to eat it. I just want to.

We did attempt to seek the opinion of the League of Real Vegetables but apparently they all had a minor mishap at a party by staying too long in the hot tub.